I think I should not fall into it.. It just doesn't feel right.. If only I could stop myself from falling deeper into it, I would be happier.. But it was U who wanted me to trust and give but I dun feel tt everything's working fine when I tried.. Apparently, I'm not anything to you like wat you said.. Cuz I dun feel I'm smone special to U at all!! I'm just too naive to believe in "it" again.. No one will ever treat me the right way anymore.. Since it's only the beginning, I shall just let it be something extra in my life.. I dun tink I wanna commit to "it" cuz I dun tink I'm happy anyway... Maybe I am too petty, sensitive and expect 2 much.. But I guess, it's the only way I can protect myself.. If you dun meet up to my standard, I'm sorry... I'm now a selfish being cuz I never want to be the fool again..

I'm glad I'm leaving for a break.. So I can take a break from this crap!

I really duno if I'm happy? Mayb i'm PMSing but even is that's the case, I should be happy.. I mean, if it was u, u would be.. Haiz.. But I'm not ready.. But when will I ever be ready? Hurt too deep and badly? I'm not sure.. But I just feel weird and messy.. I can feel the tangles in me.. Probably I'm just not used to it for now... Mayb 1 day I'll just fall deeply into it once again... But I hope I wont cuz I'm afraid it'll eventually end again.. I really really really really dun wanna go thru those "shit times" once more! Haiyo, I still tink "kill me now" suits my mood!! So confuse!! Argh!! :(

I hope my coldness towards him will go away soon.. I seriously dun wanna hurt someone who is such a nice guy! Haiz... I dun tink I deserve anyone ah.. Cuz i might just end up hurting them with my own fears and attitude... But he seems to be able to take in whatever I told him.. Izit for real? Doesn't he mind? I did question him but he just said, he'll do his best.. How sweet rite? Haiz, but to me, it's more of guilt and pressure... Oh no.. I'm so emotional again... Has been a long time since this happens..

Maybe today is just not my day?! Hope so...

I think I'm in it again.. I really think I am.. So should I stop thinking and act on it or am I only just thinking in my own world, thinking it's happening?! Aiyah, I really duno man! Shrucks!! Should just let it b and STOP thinking!!

But I'm still thinking.. if.. maybe.. but..

It's a brand new year again.. 2006.. Had quite a good start but do not know if it will last.. But watever it is, I am kinda happy since day 1 of 2006! Haha.. Sometimes, I wonder if i'm dreaming.. Things can happen so fast till I'm really caught unaware! But mayb it will go as fast as it came.. Oh well, i'm just negative, very..

A piece of good/bad news!! I'm renewing my contract till end of the year and had a pay increment.. Happy that my pay has finally increase but i will have to be stuck in "shitty bank".. Wonder if i can take it!! Haha... Not that the work sucks but with the kinda "great" colleagues, it sure makes a big difference!!

I'm thinking... Should I let it happen or stop it now? Will history repeat itself? Or something worse will happen? And is it really true or just for fun? Wat if i fail again? Oh no... So much headache... Should just let nature takes it's course but you know.. the heart and mind just won't co-operate!! Not good at all! Cuz it's definitely affecting me in watever I do... Tried to work and work, but doesn't seems to help... Hmmm... How how??? How I wish it did not even happen, at least i'm still carrying on as usual.. Aiya, confusing.. But I think it all just comes down to one word "FEAR"!! Wonder how and when it will go away..