I've always had the holidays phobia smhw. Maybe it's true. Maybe it's happening. As much as I tried to push away this thot, it seems to come haunting me, fiercer each time. Probably it's just my fate tt I'm not entitled to an overall happy holiday. Accept my fate or overturn it? I have so much weighing on my mind. So much to speak of. But I can't seem to find words to describe my thots. Speak out is the best cure. I know, but how, when ur mouth is open, yet no words came out? Mayb I should invent my own language, own dictionary, own words, own everything. And just live in my own world.
I wish I was my father.. So I can just let go........
