I really duno if I'm happy? Mayb i'm PMSing but even is that's the case, I should be happy.. I mean, if it was u, u would be.. Haiz.. But I'm not ready.. But when will I ever be ready? Hurt too deep and badly? I'm not sure.. But I just feel weird and messy.. I can feel the tangles in me.. Probably I'm just not used to it for now... Mayb 1 day I'll just fall deeply into it once again... But I hope I wont cuz I'm afraid it'll eventually end again.. I really really really really dun wanna go thru those "shit times" once more! Haiyo, I still tink "kill me now" suits my mood!! So confuse!! Argh!! :(
I hope my coldness towards him will go away soon.. I seriously dun wanna hurt someone who is such a nice guy! Haiz... I dun tink I deserve anyone ah.. Cuz i might just end up hurting them with my own fears and attitude... But he seems to be able to take in whatever I told him.. Izit for real? Doesn't he mind? I did question him but he just said, he'll do his best.. How sweet rite? Haiz, but to me, it's more of guilt and pressure... Oh no.. I'm so emotional again... Has been a long time since this happens..
